Saturday, July 28, 2012

Stepping Beyond the Walls of the Church – A Sabbath Journey


This journey to take a Sabbath leave starts two years ago shortly after the Annual Conference of the Baltimore Washington Conference of United Methodist Church.  David Norton, our lay leader and delegate to Annual Conference that year, heard about a Clergy Renewal Grant offered by the Lilly Endowment Fund.  If approved, this grant provides a clergy person and the congregation they serve up to $50,000; $15,000 comes back to the congregation and the remaining amount to allow the clergy person and their family plan a three month Sabbath leave.  Essentially, both the congregation and the pastor experience a Sabbath break from each other.  Sounded like a great idea, unfortunately, the application for the Sabbath leave for the upcoming 2011 year had already expired.  The soonest I could apply would be May 2011 to be used for the 2012 year.   

In January 2011, my mother died, her death was sudden and unexpected.  She was in good spirits on the preceding Thanksgiving when we all gathered at my parent’s house.  For the longest time I kept a phone message in which she called me early on that Thanksgiving morning where she chit chatted to the voicemail box about getting ready to peel the potatoes and stuff the turkey and get them into the oven …  I accidentally deleted her voice mail some time ago but I can still hear her British accent lilting away the close of that voice message “See yooou …loooove you.”  A week later confusion set in, she was forgetting to take her meds, not eating well, her blood pressure was all over the place.  We were traveling back and forth to doctors and tests.  She wasn’t a happy camper.   She quickly deteriorated and doctors didn’t seem to get a handle on what was going on.  It was an intensely frustrating time.  It was the busiest time in the church life what with the Advent and Christmas eve services upon me and my family and in the midst of it running to and fro from home, hospital and my parent’s house.  Finally, after New Years we brought Mum home and called in hospice. 

After Mum’s death, I thought, “Boy, I could really use that Sabbath Leave now.”  I really didn’t care for much of anything.  I wasn’t pulling my weight at church.  I generally had only enough energy to plan and run worship.  I felt guilty because I wasn’t pulling my weight, all the while, people were most forgiving and caring during this time.  Regardless, it was a terrible spiral.  Grief, guilt … I was assured, and now know that working through grief takes time and it is easier when people walk through it with you.  I am very thankful for the leaders at Mount Zion who really walked with me through that time.   

In March of that year, I approached the staff parish team about the possibility of applying for the Clergy Renewal Grant.  If we met the May deadline and should the approval come that we could anticipate a Sabbath leave during the 2012 summer.  While supportive of the opportunity, there was some apprehension and concerns raised; it was generally felt that we needed to work at informing the congregation about the program; perhaps we can submit the application in 2012 for a 2013 Sabbath.  In all truthfulness, I couldn’t see think that far into the future.  The deadline passed.

In August of 2011, Staff Parish asked if I would like to go ahead with a Sabbath Leave in 2012.  While we couldn’t take advantage of the Lilly Endowment Grant, we could use their resources from the Clergy Renewal Program to help us plan a Sabbath leave for me and our congregation.    The Staff Parish team formed what became known as the Bridge Team, a task group of sorts, with the primary responsibility of asking speakers to help in the worship services during my absence.   I’m kind of jealous of our congregation as the speakers lined up are phenomenal!  The speakers are encouraged to talk about the church beyond the walls, a similar theme of my own Sabbath journey.  Yes, the Hebrew Scriptures understanding of “Sabbath,” is to set aside a time to rest and renew, to essentially set aside work, worship God, be present with those we love our family and friends.  So a good portion of my Sabbath leave is to ensure that I rest and renew.  But there is also a secondary focus of a Sabbath leave, a way to experience something that I normally can’t experience because of the demands of being the sole pastor of a good size congregation.  I considered several themes for my Sabbath Leave: a focus on worship arts, serving beyond the walls of the church, and coaching.  I already had a reasonable hand on planning and implementing worship, and coaching is of interest to me of late and I can continue to hone my skills as a coach while serving inside the church.  Because so much of what I currently do is inside the walls of the church, I decided that I would like to explore what is God doing beyond the walls. 

And so it begins in a few days, an opportunity to step outside of the church.  Permission to be and hopefully … become.  I don’t know exactly what God is going to do through me in these coming months but I am open to the process. 

How should I start?  I’ve been joking about taking the first few days and head to the shore, camp out on the state park and stare at the ocean for a couple of days. 

That should be interesting …   

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